just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
