sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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