you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
