I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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