My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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