Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
