Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
