can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
