Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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