Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
