32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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