Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
