Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
