i jhust puked up my retainher.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
