Pants 0. Shit 1.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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