Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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