you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
