And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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