id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
