I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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