Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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