I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
