She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
its liver damage thursday
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
