do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
