Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
