hotel room ftw
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
