dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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