I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
