So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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