there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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