I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
