you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
