don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
