Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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