It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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