he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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