I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
