yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
