Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
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I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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