Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
