Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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