Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
