you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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