her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
