Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
