Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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