I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
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I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
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Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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