i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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