I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
