I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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