ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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