Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
