He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
