Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
