TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
