these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize