Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
