Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
