i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
