why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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