Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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