Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
