Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize