things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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