she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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