hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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