i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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