Come see our sink grown plant.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
