So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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