well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
