Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
