Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
