It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
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I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
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Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize