i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
