I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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