The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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