yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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