worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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