We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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