I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
